But we never say love

It’s a toddler screaming cunt! at his preschools stirring performance of Three Little Pigs

People squirm and twinge, the most sensitive gasp and storm out. There’s a icky taste that sits on the back of your taste buds and coats them in milky, sour grime

And then someone from the back just pisses himself laughing, barreling howls from his squeaky folding chair. He recognizes the humor and the joy in this moment of chaotic non control

And it’s me and I’m rolling because I loved you and I couldn’t stop even if I had chosen to try

You, in who you are, gave me no options

It took no effort

I feel no weight.

I’m not floating, but I’m not underground anymore

And for the longest time, I don’t know when I actually last saw the roots, the grass,

After so long of just seeing a static dirt wall and thinking how I must have climbed so high up back to the top by now

you didn’t need me to be the best woman or best partner or best man or best friend

you saw me drowning when everyone else said “yeah, swimming is hard, you’ll get it, keep paddling”

But for 32 years I’ve been treading this quagmire to a froth

And was just reaching the precipice of either surrender

Or worse than surrender, defeat

But you came without filters and with no excuses

You didn’t need me to compare to anything, anyone, anyhow, anytime

You didn’t even need me to be my best me

just me

you’ll help rebuild the rest.

you won’t ever have to do the work alone but you are willing, in your place of mixed belief and situation

To be the feet

to be His fucking hands.